Today was one of the hardest I’ve been through. We knew this day would come sooner than later, and today, we said goodbye to our wonderful baby, Lily. We watched her closely this week, and each day as she regressed a little more, we knew it was time. She had progressed to the point where she no longer could navigate around the house (we think vision in both eyes were now affected), she seemed confused and weak, had trouble standing on her own, and didn’t even flinch when we mentioned “treats” or “hungry”. She no longer wagged her tail, and seemed to be so, so tired. She was tired of fighting.
I called on Saturday to make an appointment when it was clear that it was the right thing to do, and then prepared ourselves to say our final goodbyes. It was the hardest call I’ve had to make, and all weekend it clouded my thoughts to think about her leaving.
As the weather turned warmer this weekend, I took her outside and also looked for my opportunity to capture some final photos of her. She’s so beautiful, even when she’s sick and not feeling like herself. She picked this spot Sunday afternoon. Words can’t express how much I love this dog, and how much my heart aches with missing her.
This morning we got Ben ready for school, and then Joe dropped him off while I stayed with Lily for a few more hours. He met me back at home, and we rode to the vet’s with Lily together. The hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to face. She went to sleep peacefully, finally relaxing and getting the rest that she needed, with Joe and I by her side.
It’s the small moments that are the hardest. The treat jar on the shelf, her favorite ball in the corner. The quiet of the house. No more padding of her feet, no more jingle of her collar. When I accidentally drop food on the floor, and look to call her to clean it up, and she’s not there. It’s the little things, that after nine years of having her underfoot and in my heart, that trigger the sadness all over again. She was so much a part of my life and my family that it just feels so empty without her here. There is definitely a hole in my heart that will take a long time to heal.
To the “seat stealer”, “baby bean”, “fun police”, “crazy dog”, “pie stealer”, “bean-bean”, “baby dog”, “baby girl”, “lovey”, “lickey-dog”, “smiley”, and “sweetheart”… we love you so much, and our hearts are breaking without you. We know you are in a better place now, with no more pain, and no more sorrow. I long to see the day again where I can feel your licks on my face and rub your velvet ears once more.
I know somewhere up there someone is giving you lots of belly rubs and tennis balls to chew.
Goodbye, baby girl.